Why I choose fun over connections.

I feel all doors are closing or more like the ceiling is going to collapse. Can one open doors without experimenting with Psychedelic substances? Health issues, financial problems and no relationships, yes this couldn’t look worse. But in spite of all this, I manage to have a lot of fun each and everyday.

Yes, fun all alone. I really don’t see myself in other peoples company. I feel the work I am doing though not paying, but it is one of the things which keeps me connected to other people. Also, inspite on my ADD (attention deficient disorder) , i have been doing the same thing for almost 10 years.

I haven’t changed profession or the line of business, though I have taken some freelance assignments to pay the rents. I have managed to stick it out. Also I am having a lot of fun doing my core work.

Is it OK to have fun working?

One potential business partner told me “Manoj, You seem to be having lot of fun, doing what you and that is a problem”. On prodding further, he indicated, that I was not focused on making money, but focused on having fun and this is the reason for my dire financial state of affairs”. But then you cannot really expect something radical from an MBA graduate.

Different school of thoughts on Fun@work

Some say, be professional, don’t have fun. Others would say, have fun, do what you love and do your best, money would follow. I chose to follow the other line of thought for my professional life.

Being serious means you gain your power from manipulating others, some day you will find your match and you will be ousted from your vantage point and left powerless. If the source of your power is outside of you, it is matter of time till your luck run outs.

But if you analyse the “fun” part without the context of space, it could be a valid point

I was talking to my young 18 year old friend, she said that she only has people in her life whom she feels strongly connected to. This hit me out of nowhere. In fact, i realised that the only reason she is talking to me or is connected is because she feels connected to me, while i was thinking I have a right to her life. (She has no obligation as such).

The other thing, which made me realise is I have never chased deeper connections. I have always preferred people who are fun to hang around with. I have never judged or evaluated if i feel a deep sense of connection, the idea of connection never crossed my mind.

If you are in it for fun, the problem is sooner or later you get bored and have to move on and meet other people. The problem is replacing people is darn difficult. You cannot replace your school best friend or college buddy, when the fun runs out.

So why the fuck do i chase fun

Fun is a way for me to not deal with life’s real problems, it is a coping mechanism, which has become a addiction. I don’t know how to make new relationships or mend the broken relationships from my past. I don’t know how to make more money, I don’t know how to make people believe in me and follow me.

I am very incompetent at the practical things of life. So the only thing i can do is have fun. Are you up for some fun? Lets have fun!!!

I thought my Life would be like my Father’s

I think there was only one man I looked up to when I was growing up. It was my father. He had successfully built a narrative about himself to me of being a great man.

The story was

“ I ran away from home at the age of 10 with no money. I came to Mumbai and became an Engineer form a prestigious mumbai College studying under Street lamps often”.

Most of this is true, he was extremely successful given the condition. How many kids who run away from home can build houses and buy imported cars in their life time. But then this a story I hear often from the baby boomers. Baby Boomers coming to Bombay during Partition and then building houses in Pali Hill or becoming successful in their own rights.

Were Indian Baby Boomers relatively more successful ?

I really don’t know. I at least haven’t come across such a piece of study on Indian baby boomers. But in America and Europe, baby boomers saw the worst of the days after WWII and saw the best of the days. They amassed substantial wealth.

Why did I think I will have a life like my fathers

My life is so much different. I spend most of time working in front of a laptop. I work alone most of the time. Most of my work is done over emails and phone. I have no office to go to. I sometimes go to Starbucks to work.

Dad once home would eat his dinner and go to sleep. I work before dinner and after dinner. There is no fixed time for my work. I can work from any place in the world. Anywhere I will be paid is my office.

What will be the life of the next gen?

I spend considerable time worrying about the career of my children. Will it be better or will it get worse. Will they live on basic income or will they be millionaires. Are they under the same delusion that I was? What can I do to make them awake? Do they even realise how good one needs to be to succeed? Amen!

Why I went to a method acting workshop last Sunday

Around 2009 I was at a client place who had his old friend from NY a celebrity astrologer to Bruce Willis types as he claimed. So this guy was an old friend of my client, and my client did everything only after consulting him, even hiring of the key managers for his business.

Since I was there, the astrologer asked to see my hand and told me that I would be a famous actor or something. Both my client and I were shocked and laughed it away.

But seriously, I thought, I couldn’t act to save my life! Now in 2016, since my chosen career isn’t doing all that well, I came up with this offer of a free acting workshop on a Sunday afternoon.

I said ” Abhi doodh ka doodh aur paani ka paani ho jayega” I enrolled for the workshop and landed there.

Conclusion – We were all given a scene to enact, and I was so bad that now I have no doubt that this celebrity astrologer was just having some fun at my expense.

On a serious note, there are so many talented people out there, they have figured out pretty early what they want to do. There are some people who I have met, who have told me that they wanted to be a dancer or a painter, and have been painting and dancing since childhood.

I am still not sure in my mid 40’s, what I want to become? Ahem.. this means I will always be in exploration mode. Not really a good thing, but some are supposed to be rolling stones.

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