Rape Culture and Why Men Rape.

Rape’s happen in our society and its basically men who are the Perpetrators of this crime. So there has so be some thing about men’s biological or sociological conditioning which makes them do this act. The laws are stringent and can mean you get a life term or get hanged for one little spurt of semen.

So why do men do it?

Let’s talk Biology first

It often argued by feminist that women have equally strong libido and so why don’t they rape. This is good rhetoric, but we know, what makes men aggressive is their testosterone levels. Even at their most fertile ovulating phase, a women’s testosterone is ten times less than a man’s. A woman’s sexual desire phase waxes and wanes as per her ovulating phase. While a man sexual desire is a pretty much constant (high) all the time. It is rather important piece of biological information everyone should know. A man is 10x more hornier than a women. This doesn’t mean he has a capability of enjoying sex 10x more than a woman, but yes he is horny and sex is always on the back of his mind.

Does this mean he should rape?

Of course not! The usual mating game is goes like this.

He is horny for a woman, he makes attempt to impress her and then he escalates by asking for her number and then a date. Till he gets what he wants.

Now there is this twist –

What if the woman he find’s so hot, won’t consider him a potential date. Women practise hypergamy, which is basically, dating someone who is equal or above in socio-economic influence to her.

This man now gets rejected. His chances of getting laid, are diminishing day by day. With every single rejection, he chances of getting rejected get more and more severe. He joins the numerous incel groups on the internet who make hate meme’s against women. Some of them also are about Rape. Fortunately, internet is an outlet for him to express his frustration. Also there is moral social contract which is hardcoded in the form of law, which is that just because you can’t get something you cannot steal it. He understands it. He is from that class which understands law.

It is often said the super rich and the deplorably poor have some kind of different morality or social contracts.

Rich people act as they have a basic impunity to act as they wish.

If a rich guy rapes a woman. He offers her a lot and lot of money or some potential big deal to compensate for this. If it reaches to the police, he has a battery of lawyers who can do a settlement with the Police or he can do a back hand settlement. Example Bikram Choudhary of HOT Yoga fame.

What about the poor guy who rapes – Well the police generally don’t care as there is no money to be extracted. The poor man usually threatens the poor woman he has raped and the deal is closed. In some cases where there is strong social pressure, the man is even wedded to the woman he has raped. (The poor man respects the village/caste/community law more than he respects the police. )

Poor man rapes a women from a higher socio-economic class

( I nowhere mean to imply the rich raping others or poor raping their own is OK, I am just explaining why this particular kind of rape is more gruesome )

If this poor man rapes a women from a higher socio-economic class (middle class) the outcome is gruesome rape + murder. The case of Nirbhaya and the recent Reddy case are such examples. Nirbhaya though from a poor background was on her way out of her socio-economic circle. The recent case of reddy where she was already a veterinary doctor.

Now here some guys from lower economic strata raped a someone from the upper socio-economic class. They are not capable of threatening her family so the only recourse left to them is to kill their victim and destroy all evidence after the deed.

It is said that the Police are there to save the 80% of the population from killing the much well to do 20% of the population. The 80% of the people who live in squalor need a strong deterrent to not kill or loot the other well off people. It is via the police they are kept in check.

How to avoid this gruesome rapes.

Rapes should all together stop. But we live in a society where lot of women are killed by men in domestic violence. So there is certain developmental stages we need to transcend as humanity.

But these gruesome rapes, could they stop all together? What if there is broader social contract between the have-not’s and haves to live peacefully and respectfully.

Closing Remarks

The #metoo was also an inversion of this paradigm. It was an outrage to bring down powerful men (predators) who thought they were above the law and the social contract theory. Though we didn’t have any gruesome rapes, as powerful men usually think they can buy out their victim or the police.

Caveat to the above – This is not always true. Some powerful paedophile’s men have been accused of killing their victim’s.

#Metoo – Of Nudes and Dick Pics

These were the early days of the internet and way before #metoo. I met her on yahoo chat. When I first heard her voice, I felt I had never heard such a beautiful and sexy voice ever! I felt like a desert experiencing rain after several years of drought. She was the woman of my dreams, educated abroad, from an elite family and looked like a model. She, on the other hand, thought I was a “perfectly imperfect” man. In her elite world, there were probably no men like me. We hit off superbly.

Our friendship goes on for years.

One Late night

She messages me “ Are you awake?”

I check the message and my heart skips a beat.

I love speaking to her. We speak for hours into the wee hours of the morning. She speaks to me like I am her secret lover. She tells me all about her past relationships and even her current boyfriend. I am her top confidante. I love her stories about her studies and her relationships, mostly about the chemistry and lovemaking she describes to me. At that time I didn’t know that those stories were probably cooked up. She wanted my attention at any cost, even if she had to cook up the most outrageous story she could. Maybe she was using this strategy with several guys. Event the pictures she sent me was of someone else. Even though all stories were false, the connection was real, I was under her skin and she was under my skin. The false stories just took away the un-aesthetics aspects of daily life out of the way. After all, there was a slim chance we would ever meet.

I reply – Yes, I am awake. Please call…

She calls up –

I ask her what is she doing? She says she is in the bathtub. Our talks go on for hours. She tells me how her Dad and she made the Biryani today. I am riveted with our conversation and our talks go on till the wee hours of the morning. I tell her I am horny, she admits she is too. She tells me what she wants to be done to her, I tell her what I want. We make out.

We end the call.

The post #metoo era

Back then I was young, and my hormones were crazy. I would never do something like this today. I am too old for such stuff. Also, there is a fear of #metoo. What if the girl records or screenshots and selectively decide to share it during the next #metoo wave.

I am not worried about myself, I am too wise and old and know who not to get intimate with. ( Basically no one!). But what about young guys who think the rite of passage is to getting laid as soon as possible with as many girls as possible.

This could prove to be a landmine of these guys. Who will clear the landmine for the young boys?

Story of Utsav Chakroborty

Utsav Chakroborty was one such rather unfortunate guy who was outed by a girl who he was talking for around three years. I don’t blame the girl here also. She got swept off her feet during the wave of anger during the India #metoo movement. She retold the story about her interactions with Utsav and believed she was the victim. Utsav Chakroborty became the most hated man in India, at least on twitter for sure. Utsav was at no fault either. Maybe he misread and his testosterone levels peaked and he did a rather risky thing of sending her image of dick in exchange for what he thought was nude pic.

I feel sad that the trust is lost between young boys and girls. I hope the young boys and girls are not taking screenshots of every slips and misunderstanding now.

If you are blissfully unaware of the #metoo characters below are some references.

References and Citations

As Utsav Chakraborty calls #MeToo allegations 'fabricated'; Mahima Kukreja says he needs to own up, apologise- Entertainment News, Firstpost

“In October 2018, the second wave of the #MeToo movement was triggered in India with a series of tweets from women calling out their alleged harassers. Among those tweets was one by aspiring comedian Mahima Kukreja, who alleged that AIB collaborator Utsav Chakraborty had sent her unsolicited photos of his genitalia”



(Accessed Tuesday, November 26, 2019)


“In this audio clip, Mahima Kukreja and her lawyer/sister Mansi Kukreja can be heard telling Utsav Chakraborty that his life will be destroyed by them if he releases screenshots that would exonerate him from all allegations made by Mahima. He tells them to file a police complaint and go to court so he can come out with his side of the story but they refuse, saying that he cannot release anything without her permission. But didn't SHE release false information about him without HIS permission?”



(Accessed Tuesday, November 26, 2019)


How I lost my Middleclass Status when I sold my car.

My father collected cars, like I collect Apple gadgets. I inherited 4 cars when he suddenly passed away. In that collection was his Favorite yellow left hand drive 240D Mercedes.

For me the cars were just utilarian tools. Since our factories were 400 kms from mumbai. I used to drive often from Mumbai or to Mumbai. Highways were very risky and I drove very fast. There were some lucky escapes but the 400 kms drive mostly alone were a sort of a roller coaster ride.

Eventually I got sick of all the driving to and fro, and didn’t want any of it. I took the train then.

But what it means to be without your own car is only realised once you are not left with one.

Uber launches in Mumbai

When I moved to a rented house, the landlord would park his 4 cars in the premises while all the tenants were expected to park on the road. Again every day the parking side was alternated by Mumbai Police so people couldn’t just park their cars and forget about it.

A coconut falls and breaks the windshield

One fine day, my landlord calls and tells me the car windshield is shattered as a coconut from the tree has fell on it. I am exasperated, I have to now spend an entire day in the garage and shell out 10K (which i get back via insurance). I think this car is taking too much of my energy and I am not getting enough out of it.

Decision to sell the car

Ironically I am very nervous, I cannot think of a life without a car. But I try to reason out, that Uber is infact better. But still I am having sleepless night over it. The car is also 10 years old and I finally decide that it should go.

With the car goes my Middle class values

My relatives ask me why did i sell the car, They ask me 100 of times. It’s unthinkable for them too. They suspect that my finances have hit rock bottom. They lack the tact and still keep pestering me. I am speechless and keep eating the freshly made idli/dosa while they figure out why I sold my car.

Do i need to buy a car to claim my middle class status

We humans send status signals by things we own. Cars are one of the biggest status signals after the area you live in or the size of the house. I see many jaws drop when I say I live in Bandra West.

I have no plans to buy a car as of now. What I miss the most is the hot steamy dates inside the cars. In a space starved city, you mostly hit the first base in the privacy of the car. Atleast I have done that, even made out in a parking lot once. (Which is rather uncomfortable). Besides the privacy the car offers, I think there is no use for it for me.

Also I dont think I want to get back in to the middle class.

Reprogramming the subsconsious mind.

It is said that our conscious mind is only 5% and the other 95% is the subconscious mind. Also th processing speed of the conscious mind is about 40000 time slower then of the subsconcious mind.

If we try to to push our subconscious mind to get everything we want, we might just go crazy by over thinking or doing positive thinking. That’s why many people try their best and then let God take over. The God is th subsconsious mind.

The Subconsious mind

The subsconsious mind is our belief system, it is our habit (patterns). You notice this when you react to something. Suppose as a child you were bullied by much stronger kid, this memory will go in to subsconsious and you will hav a belief system which says, you are physically weak.

The subsconsious mind is programmed in the NOW. If we don’t deal with th issue at hand, it will leave its residual dust on your subsconsious.


It is rather complicated topic. The inspiration for this blogpost was this YouTube video here https://youtu.be/eB-vh6VWdcM

No means No but consent is much nuanced.

The husband is a wife beater, but the wife refuses to register a Police complaint. It has been going on for years. She could really put him behind bars, but forget calling in the Police she endures it and lives with it. Does this mean that she consents to her husband beating her up?

They fight like cats and dogs. She tells him to get out of the house. Everyday it is the same story. She goes hysterical and goes maa bahen on him. Maybe he started the fight by calling her a whore. But the moment he steps out she says don’t go. They are lovers again. Does this mean she like to be called a whore and wants to go this mental trauma everyday?

He whatsapp her everyday, she like his attention. But she doesn’t see any future with him. But he hasn’t whatsapp’d her for quite a few days. She misses him. They are friendly again but then she cannot handle him coming over her. He is confused and backs off. Only to start the entire cycle again. Here obvisouly there is consent when she misses him and not when he comes on too strong on.

Maybe I am mixing up. Why are some bonds so easily broken while some relationships are impossible to break? Who will judge these relationships, is it abuse or is it relationship karma. The thing is no one says #metoo while in the exchange but in restrospect they clearly look like abuse.

Are we selfish humans only call out when we see we are fully secure from any direct harm? I am not making any judgement on consent. Is no really a no? I am not so sure. No is for negotiation, no is for going back to the drawing board and chasing what you desire, however sick it may sound. Our blueprints are made by people we desire in our life.

Why a middle aged man like me is chasing young girls.

This is a story about a middle aged man and yes he is asking for some empathy. I find the young just don't understand us. We are not as creepy as they think we are. Trust me, we are just better version of our senseless youths.

I read an article which said

" Once a woman crosses 40, they are invisible to men in public spaces. Men only have eyes for young women"

About me –

I am a middle aged (divorced) man and yesterday was called on social media for chasing young girls. So I decided to do what all great men do " Look in the mirror".

On a side note –

I condemn shaming random strangers shaming you others on social media. But this is even worse, I was shamed by a woman who knew me as a good guy for last 10 years until yesterday.

It is a trial by social media world. I recommend they understand the concept "skin in the game". Tomorrow your brother or friend could face trial by social media.

How creepy is a middle aged man chasing a young girl ?

I checked with a young 24 year old lady friend how creepy it is if a middle aged man asks you out on a scale of 1 to 10. She rated 5 on 10, but said depends on circumstance and how it is put across. Now, that my chance of being a creep is about 50% I am taking a chance by telling you why I ask young girls to meet me.

Do only rich men have the exclusive moral right to covet young women ?

First clarification – I don't chase young girls.

The reason is simple – The only time I chase a woman is when I am in love with her. Time is scarce, unless you a living on your father's money. I don't have time to chase girls. Young or old, sex or no sex. Period, I don't chase girls.

Second Clarification –

I used to be appalled with the idea of me being out with a woman 20 years younger than me. But at my age all the women are married. Some 40 plus women I met talked down to me. I felt they were so bitter and control freaks, I wanted none of them.

I see young available women everywhere

Maybe I am blind to older woman. But I see young beautiful women everywhere. I only approch them, if they show interest in talking to me. I ask for their number.

Why I need to meet young women ?

I am divorced. I realised as you grow old, your loneliness is acute. You don't have anyone to share your meal, you cannot find even a single person to WhatsApp and chat.

The young women have time on their hands

All the older woman I know, are busy with household responsibilites. Their world revolves around their family. They wouldn't go with me for a dinner or a concert. I need company sometimes?Career middle aged woman are also busy.

Eureka, I discovered unmarried young girls have time to WhatsApp. Pardon me if this post grossed you out. I also find a lot young girls stupid, and want nothing to do with them. I keep the intellegent one, I can talk to.

Do I want to have sex with a young woman ?

This is a no brainer question. But let me answer it anyway. Sex is always on my mind. We are either hungry, horny or sleepy. Thats part of being human and nothing to be ashamed off.

I need someone who is available for sharing my day to day life, my work, relationship. Thes are important and integral to my well being as well as a healthy supply of sex.

Here is my take. If you think it is creepy. Let me know.

Articulating Romantic Love

We were in Love, but why didn’t it feel like love. We had exchanged so many letters, but still it didn’t feel like love. Is there love only when you are physically apart and the momemt your bodies become one the love flies out of the window? Where does Romantic love go when you are have conquered your aquisition ?

I wanted to feel appreciated, She made me feel like I was a compromise. She has to choose between the Devil (me) and the deep blue sea ( her bondage). She chose me, but she couldn’t love me. I was a short term arrangement till she found the love of her life.

The love of my life.

I saw her, she looked deeply silent from within. This kind of woman who bring me deep peace, I am instantly attracted to. I pursued her, I called her. I told her “ I am in love with you”. She said, what do you mean? Please articulate, write an email to me. Since then I have been blabbering and performing the act of a lover.

I am like a fake doctor giving you placebo. How can I articulate about “Love”. I am a cynic, I don’t beleive in love. The long term relationship of my youth made me a hardcore cynic. I was never going to fall in love.


It all boils down to appreciation. I love this women for her virtues. Her virtues blinds me to her faults or lack. But the real reason is far more selfish. I love this woman, because she made me feel appreciated. Her gestures were controlled. She was generous enough to appreciate the man behind the idiotic behavior.

Is Love about value

So now in commercial terms, appreciation increases your value. In this case the mama’s boy is the most valuable person on this planet. Mama’s boy have a bad connotation to it, but there is a postive thing about these mama’s boys. They know how to value a woman.

I was never a mama’s boy, is this the reason for my failure in Love ?

I went to the Astrologer Rant.

The day and time we are born gives the astrologer the computer programme code of our life. The astrologer cannot alter it, but he can read it. The programmer is some super human being, simulating our life.

We humans are using the astrologer to decode this code. We don’t want to live by his programme, we have a free will, which again is programme by HIM to make us believe the same .

So believing we can alter the programme by conspiring with our astrologer. The problem is the astrologer is also a human programmed by the super human to deceive us.. The code is also known as the natural laws of this universe.

The ultimate frustration is that some super powerful person can control us and make us do things. How do I hack this code and turn the tables around, so I can reverse programme and control this super human?

miradeshazer / Pixabay

Face to Face with Big B

As a kid, growing up, I was crazy about Bruce Lee first and then Amitabh Bachchan. But as I grew up, I am no longer crazy about Big B or even watch his movies; in fact, I barely manage to watch a Hindi movie in a couple of years. I feel Hindi movies are way too long and I would rather sit at home and watch someone youtube blog.

Coming Back to Big B, As a growing up young kid, I wanted to meet Big B, but Dad never had the time to take me to his bungalow in Juhu, dad never fancied idolising these stars, I suppose.

So last year I happened to be at title waves, where Amjad Khan’s son has written a murder thriller book and Big B was there to launch the book.

My first impression was, his whole body language was so full of gratitude, he was humble and “not aggressive”. Also, I thought he was one of the most good looking men out there. So that’s it, guys, summing it up, I feel if you want to find someone who is the most “cultured” public celebrity, Big B wins it hands down, you just can’t beat him in culture (tehzeeb would be a better word).

These are some pictures I managed to capture below.



Discovering smoothie

I was not a fan of smoothie. I think a smoothie is made of yoghurt, while a milkshake is milk based. But anything blended well forming a homegenous mixture is what I would call a smoothie.

I dont like like the taste of milk and recently I have discovered that yoghurt don’t suit me. So my options is now limited to nut based milk like soya or almond. I use soya mostly as it’s much cheaper than almond milk and is a bit creamier than almond milk which is very watery.

Also if you research on the nutrients, soya milk has more protein than almond milk. So now to get all those fruits and the goodness inside me, I got this epiphany that a to blend them and gulp them would be the fastest and the tastiest way!

I got this Oster smoothie maker at Amazon for Rs 1750/- which is pretty good for the price. It has a bottle as a blender attachment which doubles up as a smoothie dispenser. Now that saves some washing time?

Also so I have been hearing every hipster talking about the goodness of chia seeds, not to be left behind, I got myself some chia seeds. 🙂


Balancing the extremes

Recently I met a friend after long time and while we were talking he told me that way back he did some Numerology on my name and said, “I see that your life is very extreme like you you will face extreme circumstances”  what he meant was probably a lot of ups and lots of downs” Feels like a rollercoaster ride doesn’t it? But everyone’s life does feel like a rollercoaster ride, right? But maybe mine is more I don’t know.

That got me thinking

It’s quite true my life is a rollercoaster but more than Ups, I’m just going downhill but it’s a perspective of others and not mine.

So at this time I got into skateboarding you might ask what skateboarding has to do with extremes life ? 

Disclaimer – skateboarding is primarily a juvenile activity.

The thing about skateboarding or long boarding is that when you’re going down you need less effort because you’re kicking with your feet and going down is also very fast and what will keep you on your board is your sense of balance. And to get the balance, I got a balance board where you stand on board with a roller below it, it is the best balance exercise I think which exists, the idea is to fall at home rather than fall while skateboarding on the road or in front of the people, you train yourself to balance.

So am I trying to physically control the extremes? Am I physically trying to control the downhill slide? Will the balance training translate in other parts of my life? These are mere analogies but somewhere everything is connected isn’t it?

I have no problems with extremes, but I think people who are close to me might find it really disorienting, when people see you going to extremes, some people jump off the rollercoasters, some people get on while the going is good, but generally it’s not a good thing I guess. 

So I’ll be spending some time trying to balance my life as well as my board. 


There is no such thing as integrity.

I was at this client place, he a parsi gentleman kept whining about the lack of integrity in people in India. I listened to his rant for quite sometime and then told him that there is no such thing as integrity, every one is available at a price. People who we consider to have high moral integrity are people who dont sell cheap like the rest of the people, they don't sell short and don't compromise for things which are of ephemeral quality. But they are waiting for the right price.

So whats your price? How short will you sell and for what? How much pain do i have to give you, before you stake out, before you betray your best friend?

What is my price? If you want to know, please make me an offer I cannot refuse.


What is relationship?

Life is relationship and relationship is life, let's accept that.

So what exactly is relationship? Is it something which you know each other like he is my brother, he is my father, she is my wife, she is my mother.

Relationship is relating. If you relate to someone on the same level then you are in a relationship but what is this same level? This same level is when you drop all your ambitions when you drop all your greed, when you drop all your fears and you are really compassionate towards the other person you are really relating to that person.

I think that relationship starts with caring and caring can only take place when you have nothing to ask for yourself from that person in exchange. (But ironically caring can give you a illusion of control over the other person, a sense of possessiveness which ultimately might become abuse in the relationship).

It is often said that parents damage their children more than anyone else, a classic case of caring turning into abuse.


I am fighting a Eating disorder.

There are 2 schools of thoughts as far as eating goes.

A) You are what you eat which advocates on careful selection on what you should be eating. People here try various fads, go on a protein only diet, avoid carbs. OR Become a vegan, as milking a cow is an act of violence or they believe animal milk is not fit for human consumption.

The strictly vegetarians believe that you take on the atribute of the animal you consume, if you eat a chicken, you will become indecisive and so on.

B) The second group, here believes in eating whatever is organic, they know that stomachs are made of digest anything which is organic. So they dont bother with these diets.

Both of the above are merely a lifestyle choice. They are not eating disorders.

I believe in eating the right kind of food, i beleive in balance. But for the past few years, I have been a bit obsessed about eating whatever I can lay my hands on. I feel like I am just stuffing myself, just to feel centered, like the food would settle down somewhere and make me feel content and centered.

Its become pathological untill i decided to consciously watch how I am eating, I usually read or browse the internet when I have my meals, I eat 99% of my meal alone also. But i am going to make a effort to eat slow and watch myself eating my food. This is difficult to accomplish, there are so many videos to watch, Fb status to check on. But I am going to give it my best shot.

Now I am going to watch how I eat and not really bother what i eat. Sometimes its not what you eat but how you eat which will untimately nourish you or end up with a eating disorder. This is my food for thought prasadam to you. Chew on it.

Image from – http://m.healthmeup.com/news-buzz/feeling-fat-blame-your-brain/6593



What were you criticised the most when you were a kid?

We all have grown up and how? We have kids now and do we ever criticise them? If we do, we need to know why we do and what are our insecurities which we impose on them?

For eg. If you were always criticised for being uncouth, we would teach our children to be well mannered, would we? If we didnt get the education we think we should have had, thereby limiting our carreer growth, we will push our children to strive harder than usual. Are we being harsh on them?

Now, how did our parents criticise us, what was their red buttons which got pushed for us to deserve some harsh words?

Growing up for me was a bit weird, I had only one authority figure (single parent issues), thats my father, the rest just didnt size up. I have never ever received any criticism from my father. He only used to say you need to become a engineer. I guess he thought since he was one, and that had helped him acheive remarkable success meant, education or engineering was the key to secure financial future. He never probed on what kind of character I should develop or imposed on what kind of person I should be, he didnt judge me morally at all. He was rather uncomfortable or just didn't have a time (after a 16 hour workday) in correcting my moral or ethical outlook or intellectual perspective.

All the other elders or relatively less important authorative figures gave me this statement ” Manu is a very quiet child” I took this as a compliment and became more & more quiet, i would rarely speak in front of elders. But now in restrospect I realise this was actually a criticism, it was a way of these authority figures to keep me in my place, because if i spoke up, i would be difficult and embarassing to handle. So i guess the authority figures thought I was kind off weird.

I think one of the reason for my writing and ranting on this blog, is my rebellion 30 years later against these authority figures, telling them, i can speak for myself and people do like to read it, yeah maybe 6 people read my blogpost. But I am punishinig these authority figures for shutting me down and risking being called a weirdo by making a fool of myself by washing dirty laundry in public.

Thats enough instrospection for today. With all due respect to elders!


Vitality of the mind.

  1. Are you too slow to think?
  2. Do you wish you had reacted to a situation differently?
  3. did you miss a great opportunity?
  4. Did you miss being there for a loved one when you were needed the most?
  5. Do you think you wanted to acheive more in Life?

If you answer Yes to any of these Questions, you just dont have enough of Vitamin “V” V = Vitality. There are 2 kinds of Vitality, one is Vitality of the mind and another is Vitality of the body and they go hand in glove.

There are externalities and internalities which will make you full of vitality. Keep thinking on what will make you more energetic, what will keep you going and give strength when others need you. We have this desperate need to not fail in front of the people we love. But we all feel guilty of not doing much than we wished we could do, and whats worse we start blaming for things not working out to the other person. We will justify the other person is more demaning, we will blame the other person for destroying our career. Vitality will help you get what you want. So drop all the excess baggage, dont eat more than you need, dont worry more than you need to.

I dont have the answers to this, but I want to have lot of vitality as I grow old.



Fear of Criticism.

Recently I was reading an article by Devdutt Patnaik, India's great young Mythologist, where he refers that “Fear” is basically the inabilty to face criticsm. This really struck me, I indeed hate to be criticised, so I would rather hangout with people who would say nice things to be or have something lacking in them which I have in abundance, this balances out what they have in abundance, so its a win-win situation.

But now that i know, i am extremely sensitive to criticsm, whether its regarding my work or my personal life, i hate to be told i am wrong. But this just blocks me from growing and improving my life.

I have decided to fish for criticsm, the idea is to go on offensive, not behave like a obedient good boy, but actually not comply so people would tell me that I am wrong, that I am unporfessional, that I am a idiot, that I am just a stuck up guy, I am a negative guy.

This is the best way to get criticsm your way, I know people dont want to hurt me, but they say these things behind my back.

Oh, he can never stick to one thing.

He doesnt value money.

He is irresponsible.

He is a provincial guy. (not well travelled)

He has a terrible ego.

So, people if you want to criticise, I am all ready for you. Fire!!


What is a home?

I am proud of myself today, i shifted home in one day. Yes! Assembled my life and my belonging in a new place in 8 hours. That includes the airconditioning and the water heater, only the broadband connection is pending.

I have avoided the depressing feeling of sleeping in an empty house. Life continues without a sad pause or drops of tears. Home is basically a very private space for me, i like to just dissappear into my house, i dont like visitors or friends, I just want to dissolve into this small space of mine, maybe its just a phase. May be I will start inviting friends, maybe i will feel like sharing my space. But not right now.

Home is a place where you have complete freedom to do what you want, a home is where you make the decision on how you live and what you eat and drink. Its the most intimate space. It makes me wonder how hobo’s (homeless bozo’s) manage to live or tramps, who travel from one place to another without a permanent home. How do they rejunavate, rivitalise. I guess there comes a point, when staying at one place might feel sickening, maybe they never could make or afford a home so they just move on from one place to another to die and fade away.

For me home is the place I recuperate after the battles of everyday lives and stress. Does anything feel more nicer than a warm bath and maybe some chamomile tea. Welcome home.


Want to sleep better? here is a idea.

Now if you have seen as many rains as I have, you havent possibly avoided worrying. Ofcourse worrying causes Stress and stress makes one sick, very very sick.

Recently I found myself worrying too much, and I realised I was sleeping with my worries. We cannot avoid destiny, we have to live our part, play our part, though we would rather have someone else's, because advertising has given us a few fixed templates of sucess, because they wanted to make it easy to sell.

Sorry to digress. So worrying makes you think and think a lot, and it makes you wide awake and when you dont sleep well, you entire productivity goes for a toss.

So how does one avoid worrying before sleep? Well, i have the answer. Do something which will force you to not think. For me, its trying to learn to play my guitar, which i hate, because it so difficult, my fingers tips hurt so much. But it completely takes my mind off from my immediate worries for a hour atleast. It works, i sleep better.

If you have insomnia issues, and lie awake in bed thinking, do you own thing, paint, sing, dance. Make sure the task is extremely challenging, otherwise you will do the task in auto mode like driving a car and still worry, do something which is really really difficult. This guitar I got is finally been dusted and put to good use.

Hope it helps. I am off to my hour of practise.