For Singles Only – How to find the right life-partner.

There are chances that you have missed the bus, or maybe you got on the wrong marriage bus. Happens, it happened to me, quite a few times, that’s the reason I don’t understand people who marry their childhood sweethearts. I mean youth is all about trial and error till you find the right life-partner.

The single most critical decision you will ever make

But this most important decision is the single most critical decision you could ever make, but still, so many people get this wrong. I am lucky, I jumped out of the marriage bus. But single men are more ostracised than single women. We single men don’t know how to manage life without a woman. I have to consult my mother-in-law (her name is youtube) for every small thing, like how much salt to put in a dish. If I knew life as a single man would be so tough, I would have tried to stay on the bus. But then foolish people are not particularly gifted with hindsight.

Why am I advising on find how to find the right life-partner?

Have been single since 2005, I think I have a 15-year experience on how to stay alive as a single person. I think my insights could help some young people to get the right kind of life partner rather than being single and adopting cats and dogs for company. You can be a couple, have children and still have pets.

There is only one important thing to know if she/he is the right one – Communication

Yes, it is as simple as this.

If you feel you can understand the person without even talking or that person saying something to you, you have found your soulmate.

There is a caveat –

You might start with great communication with the person you date and eventually marry. But after you get a bit older in a relationship, you fall into what is called “[Closeness- Communication bias]” – which means the closer you feel to someone, the less you listen to that person.

Warning for men/boys

Women are more deceptive and manipulative. A woman might lie if she is insecure and communicate only what the guy wants to hear. This creates a wrong illusion that the women are listening or following you. She might do it for various reasons, like the guy is a good catch, she is missing her window of opportunity to carry children. A woman is always in much more hurry to get hitched before losing her value in terms of age and beauty. So guys, try to find an honest woman.

find the right life-partner
Photographer: Avinash Uppuluri | Source: Unsplash

What it is like growing without a mother?

Yesterday, I attended a talk at the Tata literature festival on “ Writing as a Catharsis”. The panelist were Avni Doshi who has just released her debut novel “The girl in white cotton” which is about a complex relationship between mother and daughter. Then there was Istavan Voros and David Vann whose father committed suicide when he was just 13. David went on to write a novel about his father’s suicide but ended up committing suicide himself (in the novel of-course).

I guess that event yesterday and some feminist on twitter calling me sexist, triggered me and I had some revelation about myself and my relationship with my mother which I thought I would write in this blogpost. Yes, it is mostly about me, and a bit about my mother.

The Memorable Childhood Incident

I was seven or eight years old. I went to my mother and asked her I wanted her to make something sweet (sheera) for me, as I was hungry. She was having an emotional moment perhaps at the same time and she shooed me away. Not harshly but her expression was deadpan. That was perhaps the most painful of my memories of my mother. That day she had given up on me, or rather that day she had given up on herself perhaps. I would never ever again ask her to make anything for me. That was the last time, I asked something from her.

I felt betrayed. My own mother had given up on me, but I was also deadpan about it, like mother like son. I never showed my pain. I ignored her completely. My dad was the hero, he earned a lot of money and I didn’t need an alcoholic mother. But I was wrong.

After that day, things spiralled downhill for her. She was a raging alcoholic, I never again saw her sober from that day onwards. She used to drink when awake and go to sleep when drunk out of her senses. She was drinking to numb her pain. How could a woman in so much pain even think about the needs of a young child? I didn’t understand then, I never forgave her for not being responsible towards me. She was supposed to take care of my needs as Dad was working 8 am to 9 pm every day.

The Divorce

Soon things spiralled to rock bottom. She had become a threat to our safety, and every day we had one or another scene. One day I came home from school and saw my mother sitting on the window ledge and threatening to jump off the third floor. It was attention-seeking at its best. We all knew she wouldn’t jump, but I died thinking that my entire school now knows about (my mad) and alcoholic mother. Dad was summoned immediately and the crisis was taken care of.

Soon the divorce papers were done and mother was sent away.

Growing up without a mother

My dad took very good care of us as far as food and clothing were concerned, but he was old school and was never really could understand my emotional needs. It was hands-off parenting. As long as I was safely back home every day, no questions were asked as a child.

No one to talk about problems which a 10 year could understand.

A child needs to be talked to every day, a child needs to be questioned about all the things which happen daily in a non-intrusive way. This was missing in my childhood.

For eg –

I had a tuition teacher who taught me for 5 years and every day he would make me feel guilty how i was not doing my homework. He would talk down to me 30 minutes of the one hour of tuition time. I just blanked out and he went on lecturing. I didn’t hate him for it, I liked the guy, but he just didn’t inspire me. He just didn’t get me.

Dad never took one day of my homework. He was just too busy making money, I think if I had a functioning mom, she could have helped in my studies. But I wish my 5 years of school life was not wasted with an uninspiring tutor and I could at least tell someone about it.

But perhaps I am applying today’s “Helicopter parenting” standards to the completely care-free, hands-off parenting of the ’70s.

Eating food outside

I must be the youngest kid who started eating lunch everyday at a hotel, I must have been eight. Though my sister would manage some dal-chawal. I preferred to eat my lunch from the neighbourhood restaurant. Eating every day from the Udipi joint is not the greatest thing for a growing up.

Eating right is so important if you understand the gut-brain connection. Yup, eating right can make you bright. Forget about looking hot and sexy. A child needs sharp brains!!!

The Biggest Void

Our biggest voids define our life.

I think my biggest void is not having a woman to take care of me. I just cannot find a woman who genuinely cares. It is said that woman want grown-up men and at the same time, they also say that women make men grow up. What are the rites of passage for a boy to become a grown-up, I suspect the role is played either by the mother or by the wife or a woman who deeply cares?

This insecurity destroys my relationships and otherwise gets me glued on to some relationships where perhaps I shouldn’t be looking.

The sense of betrayal when a mother gives up on a child is biological and could perhaps take a lifetime to heal. Till then I will keep looking for a woman who will care enough or chase women who have the capability to care. I think it takes a certain madness to care for a grown-up child. 🙂

This Blogpost now raises another question? What it is to grow up without a father? Let’s explore that sometime. If you have been brought up by single parent. Do email me you thoughts on manoj@manojnayak.com.

The Importance of Authority Figures

I have a problem with Authority. I have serious issues with authority figures like Dad, Bosses, More succesful Dickheads, and alpha males.

Why do I have a problem with Authority

I loved my dad, but he was someone who would say “No” to any thing i really wanted to have. He was a kid himself and there was only room for one kid in the house. He bought all the toys for himself (machineries, mercedes and toyota’s). As he indulged in his toys, there was no thought about indulging his kid. So anything I asked was met with a flat ‘NO”. He was not someone wordy, he just said “No”. As a 8/10 year old, I just went sad on hearing that “No” evverytime. But he was an authority figure, I can no courage (or understanding on how to) to question him on his decision.

But this led to a repression of desires, that when i took over the (his) business as a young man, i was already making him redendant. Someone times i would out talk him in front of important clients (and he would suffer silently). He couldn’t say much as I was managing the works for him, I was bringing him the money.

I think this must have been exteremely disturbing for him, I was now the alpha young male he had to compete with. He was so insecure that when he passed away. I was not authorised signatory or a joint account holder in any of the bank accounts. This was how insecure I had made the old man.

But he was from the silent generation and could never express his insecurities to me. I had become his biggest competitor inside and outside the house, he had to survive me, he didn’t unfortiunately.

He had made me a competetor by saying “NO” to all the things I wanted to have as a 10 year old. My repression was the mistake he had made. He started working as a ten year old, he never had a childhood and he never could give me a childhood because of this.

This is how generations of messed up individuals grow up. Now I am a child, who fulfills all this whims and fancies, without even thinking of whom i am repressing.

I guess it is time for me to deal with this repression and stop playing with toys, because if i remain a child, i am snatching somoene’s else childhood or I have already done that unknowingly.

Why are authority figures important?

I don’t have a single person in my life who can call out my crap, (except my elder sister, she rarely does though). But I need more authority figures to call out my crap, to question me.

This is scary, as we become independent, we don’t like to be questioned and be answerable. But everyone needs checks and balances perhaps?

How to become a better Listener

I have a ringing sound in my ear. It is very irritating, it is like your mom or wife constantly trying to tell you something. The ENT doctor says, my ear canal is blocked because of the cold. It is the most ridiculous health issue, but I had worst, so I might as well accept this one as another feather in the cap.

This sickness of mine, medically known as tinnitus as made me think about the psychosomatic factors. It is now well established that there is a link between our mind and body. There is an entire branch of psychoneuroimmunology that links some auto immune disorders from Multiple Sclerosis to IBS to your mental stress. Enough of cutting edge medical science talk!!

Do I have a listening problem?

I met a acquaintance the day before, and I realised I was talking a lot of my issues. I was so focussed on using him as a sounding board that the entire conversation felt a bit surreal. My fears, my irritation and his defence and guard let me feel that the conversations shouldn’t happen in this manner. I cannot use every person I meet as a sounding board and expect to gain resolution for my problems. No wonder I have problems connecting to other people. I am forever trying to get things go my way.

How do I become a better listener.

I have decided that next time, I feel somebody really wants to talk, I am going to drop all my projections and just let it be. I will just be a mirror reflecting what the other person wants to hear from me. It may be praise, compassion, empathy or criticism.

Do you want to talk?

Why I choose fun over connections.

I feel all doors are closing or more like the ceiling is going to collapse. Can one open doors without experimenting with Psychedelic substances? Health issues, financial problems and no relationships, yes this couldn’t look worse. But in spite of all this, I manage to have a lot of fun each and everyday.

Yes, fun all alone. I really don’t see myself in other peoples company. I feel the work I am doing though not paying, but it is one of the things which keeps me connected to other people. Also, inspite on my ADD (attention deficient disorder) , i have been doing the same thing for almost 10 years.

I haven’t changed profession or the line of business, though I have taken some freelance assignments to pay the rents. I have managed to stick it out. Also I am having a lot of fun doing my core work.

Is it OK to have fun working?

One potential business partner told me “Manoj, You seem to be having lot of fun, doing what you and that is a problem”. On prodding further, he indicated, that I was not focused on making money, but focused on having fun and this is the reason for my dire financial state of affairs”. But then you cannot really expect something radical from an MBA graduate.

Different school of thoughts on Fun@work

Some say, be professional, don’t have fun. Others would say, have fun, do what you love and do your best, money would follow. I chose to follow the other line of thought for my professional life.

Being serious means you gain your power from manipulating others, some day you will find your match and you will be ousted from your vantage point and left powerless. If the source of your power is outside of you, it is matter of time till your luck run outs.

But if you analyse the “fun” part without the context of space, it could be a valid point

I was talking to my young 18 year old friend, she said that she only has people in her life whom she feels strongly connected to. This hit me out of nowhere. In fact, i realised that the only reason she is talking to me or is connected is because she feels connected to me, while i was thinking I have a right to her life. (She has no obligation as such).

The other thing, which made me realise is I have never chased deeper connections. I have always preferred people who are fun to hang around with. I have never judged or evaluated if i feel a deep sense of connection, the idea of connection never crossed my mind.

If you are in it for fun, the problem is sooner or later you get bored and have to move on and meet other people. The problem is replacing people is darn difficult. You cannot replace your school best friend or college buddy, when the fun runs out.

So why the fuck do i chase fun

Fun is a way for me to not deal with life’s real problems, it is a coping mechanism, which has become a addiction. I don’t know how to make new relationships or mend the broken relationships from my past. I don’t know how to make more money, I don’t know how to make people believe in me and follow me.

I am very incompetent at the practical things of life. So the only thing i can do is have fun. Are you up for some fun? Lets have fun!!!

A smile to the rescue.

When two ego’s collide, there is bound be destruction. Inspire of having the best of intentions for each other, we may end up seeing the end of relationships.

In our overwhelming need to always be right, we might do a wrong to a precious friendship or a relationship. It is extremely difficult to change our opinion on what is right & wrong, but a smile is very easy.

It you want to put a point with all the force behind it, say it with a smile, If you need is swallow other’s opinion which you still dont agree on, swallow it wilt a bigger smile.

This is IIfe lesson I learnt today.

Are you responsible for your Bad Luck?

I hate self help books. But I think I am feeling down, I was feeling that I am not giving 100% to what I do. Then I saw this book “ The 10X Rule” at a shop. I thought this is what I want, I want to perform 10X of my current output.

I take it easy, I like to listen to music, Read everyday for 2/3 hours. I don’t like working like a mad man. But I know this is the price you pay to be successful. So I picked up this book and said maybe it will help me work at 10X my current speed.

So the chapter which said don’t play the victim.

I have never thought of myself a victim. But then author says all your bad luck is created by yourself. I agreed. He cites the example of car accident. He says of all the thousands of car. It was your car which got involved in the accident, because it was your subconscious mind which decided to leave at the particular time and be present at that particular spot driving at a particular speed to make the accident happen. So don’t play the victim game.

My List of so called Bad Lucks

I only realise the catastrophe I have faced when people remind me of it. Otherwise I generally feel happy just to be alive. One elderly person said, If there was someone else who had gone through all this, he might have given up.

So let’s see if I was responsible for the bad luck which the Society thinks I have been thrown.
1. My mother was a raging alcoholic and my parents divorced when I was 12.

Was I responsible for this? Nope.

2. My father married and I has a step mother, whose interest were more inclined with her biological daughter.

Was I responsible for this? Nope

3. I got married and my father passed away when I was 26.

This is where I do feel responsible. Though I was 400 kms away from my father I believe some kind of stress killed my father. If I was a bit more competent and responsible young man, I could have saved him. So indirectly I do feel part of this bad luck of mine.

4. I got divorced after 7 years of marriage.

Looking back I don’t think this is at all bad luck, but yes, I lost all my support system when I separated and I felt I had no one. Not to mention my two lovely kids.

If it was bad luck then I was 100% responsible.

5. I shut down my factory

I had a robbery in my factory. I lost 11 lacs of stock. That was my working capital. I don’t consider it bad luck, but yes, it took away all I worked for 13 years. I was back to square one. It reduced my social status.

I was 100 percent incompetent and didn’t know people could do evil things like robbery.

6. A bank gave me 4 days notice to pay a huge sum or they would auction the house I lived in.

In 4 days I sold the house and paid the bank. But I was thrown out to the expensive rent market and I could never get the same social status of being in your own house. With the current levels of my income, it would probably take me 3 lifetimes to make money to buy a house.

This was the money my father owed the bank. I don’t feel responsible for this situation. Also dad left without a will, so I had a step mom to deal with on property.

Conclusion

So, you have your parents karma which you are not responsible for. Like you inherit your parents wealth and liabilities. This is not your responsibility. But yes, for your decisions. You are responsible.

Inverting the Institution of Marriage to Eliminate INEQUALITY

I deal with the middle class. I mean I run online communities, where the people who consume content are the middle class. This has given me no choice but to study this class for their behaviours and biases. I am not an expert so my knowledge is made of lot of stuff I read by western authors and writers.

The Middle Class hates the Poorer class

One thing is certain, the middle class hates the poor. When I say poor they are not the slum dwellers. They are just not on the same social ladder as the middle class. One thing which could easily categorise these two classes are

The Battle of the two Classes

1. One class owns one or more cars – i.e the Middle Class which seldom use public transport.
2. The other class doesn’t own a car or If they own it, it is used for commercial purpose. I.e the lower class which mostly use public transport.

Inverting the Institution of Marriage

Marriage is the biggest social indicator of life. Who you marry will define your social status for the rest of your life. Unless you have the guts to divorce.

The Sole Purpose of Marriage

Let marriage no longer be an institution. We have burdened marriage with too many responsibilities. Let marriage be for the sole purpose of someone to take care of you when you are sick or take care of your old parents. Yes, reduction to one thing.

Marry only to person from a much lower economic status

It is said migration is the biggest cause of improving economic conditions. People migrate from villages to cities, from cities to economic centres worldwide.

What about social migration?
Physical migration might improve the economic conditions, it might give you comforts which you never even thought of. But you mind is still in the village and small town. You only interact with other migrants from your pind.

Social Migration via Marriage

Now, marry someone from other social-economic background and it is certain that there would be a big leap in your social conditions.

Also the bonus is it might reduce inequality.

I thought my Life would be like my Father’s

I think there was only one man I looked up to when I was growing up. It was my father. He had successfully built a narrative about himself to me of being a great man.

The story was

“ I ran away from home at the age of 10 with no money. I came to Mumbai and became an Engineer form a prestigious mumbai College studying under Street lamps often”.

Most of this is true, he was extremely successful given the condition. How many kids who run away from home can build houses and buy imported cars in their life time. But then this a story I hear often from the baby boomers. Baby Boomers coming to Bombay during Partition and then building houses in Pali Hill or becoming successful in their own rights.

Were Indian Baby Boomers relatively more successful ?

I really don’t know. I at least haven’t come across such a piece of study on Indian baby boomers. But in America and Europe, baby boomers saw the worst of the days after WWII and saw the best of the days. They amassed substantial wealth.

Why did I think I will have a life like my fathers

My life is so much different. I spend most of time working in front of a laptop. I work alone most of the time. Most of my work is done over emails and phone. I have no office to go to. I sometimes go to Starbucks to work.

Dad once home would eat his dinner and go to sleep. I work before dinner and after dinner. There is no fixed time for my work. I can work from any place in the world. Anywhere I will be paid is my office.

What will be the life of the next gen?

I spend considerable time worrying about the career of my children. Will it be better or will it get worse. Will they live on basic income or will they be millionaires. Are they under the same delusion that I was? What can I do to make them awake? Do they even realise how good one needs to be to succeed? Amen!

My words don’t need you any more

My words don’t need you anymore

They have moved on to a better place.

A place that doesn’t want anything from you. My words now don’t want to be heard. They are comfortable in their own skin.

They are there for no reason. They just flow like water finds in own level. They will flow and find their way like water. They will quench thirst, grow a tree or a forest. They might just get wasted in a puddle or drown in the deep blue sea.

These words of mine are as pure as rainwater. They fall without any discrimination. It is not their fault they fell on you. You came in the way.

You are not special don’t ban my words.

Publicly grieving for my father’s deaths

I got a call, it must have been 2 am or later. “Daddy passed away” the voice said. I was told to immediately leave for Bombay. This was 18th Feb 1999.

I along with my 6 month pregnant wife drove 420 kms to Mumbai. I had to take more than 5 breaks to use the loo during this 10 hour drive. My bowels were emptying. There were no tears. I guess diarrhoea is a kind of crying too. Ofcourse if I had cried I wouldn’t have been able to drive.

Reaching Mumbai and seeing my Dad’s dead body. I felt numb. It was surreal. I mentally couldn’t believe he was dead. I was 26 and it was probably the first dead body I was seeing.

Just before lighting the fire, I had a crazy thought, what if he was just in deep sleep or some sort of temporary coma. I ridiculed my mind and lit the funeral pyre. Now even if he was alive he had no chance of coming back I thought.

Still I couldn’t cry. I wondered, what was numbing me so much. All I could think was about the factory and the salary I needed to pay.

In a few days leaving my pregnant wife at her parents I was in a train with a few lacs of cash to give salary to the workers.

I am back to mumbai, finally having paid the workers. I take a bath, and looking at myself in the mirror on the bathroom. I break down and cry. It was a private grieving. I wondered what took me so many days to break down and cry. I rub it off. But am glad, I am no so numb anymore.

How to not marry a psychopath or a sociopath

Before you marry, you need to first tick off these 2 lists for sure. Your Prince Charming or Daddy’s princess might turn out to be a psychopath or a sociopath.

The reason for writing this post is I just clearly understood the distinction between a psychopath, a sociopath and a narcissist.

Empathy

So it all boils down to empathy. Empathy is literally putting yourself in other peoples shoes. The problem with empathy is unless you don’t understand other people pain you cannot be empathetic. That is this reason most teenagers are cruel. You see the most non-physical violence in the teen and the young.

Parents play a big role

It is up to the parent to teach their wards empathy. As the children grow up and become adults they will from their experience learn empathy.

what is the different between the three?

A ) A narcissist is someone who cares about only himself. But he doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

B) A sociopath is someone who due to improper upbringing or his peers has no sense of empathy.

C) A Psychopath is someone who has a genetic issue. There is something missing in the part of the brain where empathy lights up. They are almost incurable.

Hope the title of this blogpost didn’t scare you.

Birthday Wishes

So one more down and not sure how many to go. Preserving the old body takes lot of effort. You have so many things to think off. For eg. how to replenish your gut with good bacteria? how to make sure that your back doesn’t fold up or what is the tingling sensation in the brain? Is it a tumor? Why are my legs aching so much after a short daily walks?

Accomplishments

Anyway, a good ol’ friend called said, he had accomplished all the things by the time he has reached my age. I know that was a soft nudge from him for me to think big.

This nudge got me thinking about my ambitions. I realise that I had lot of ambitions but no fire in the belly. I give up too soon. There is no dearth of ambition and passion, but I don’t want to fight every battle. I choose my battles, I don’t intend to win all the wars. I want to win the war which is critical.

Peak to Peak

This friend gave me an example of how a person’s career can leap from peak to peak without every traversing the valley (failures). It feels that life is taking me from one valley to another. There is no hope of feeling the sun on the face standing at the summit.

My Ambitions

I don’t have any ambitions. Ambitious itself is rather ambitious word. I want to have enough money to provide to my loved ones. And in my old age I want to have some comforts.

Childhood Ambitions

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an industrialist (or marry an industrialist daughter atleast). After a bit of growing, I wanted to be a space scientist or some kind of researcher. My schools and college educatioy wringed out all my ambition. It left me unsipired and dull.

to be continued… on next birthday

Dating Advise

Now don’t you wish your grand mother or Grand father has given you some dating advise earlier in your life and you could have completely avoided some bad relationships.

Here is some from the podcast I recently heard. These are the 6 filters to know what kind of person you are dating. Not being in sync with either one of them means friction.

In my first relationship I think I was not in sync with 4/6, in my second big relationship I was not in sync with 3/6 and in my third again 3/6.

The maximum risk for not aligning with these filters is 2. So If you are not aligned with your partner in more than 2 of these qualities, it better to do a rain check. This is all better explained in the podcast here https://castro.fm/episode/wbKgqH

  1. Mind – you have comparable degree of intelligence.
  2. Money – Same sense of money and same goals.
  3. Morals – values/virtues.
  4. Manners – Same idea of what is right.
  5. Monogamy – Same idea of what relationships is.
  6. Marx brothers – Same sense of humour.

Happy Dating!!!

The 4 things everyone aspires for but cannot have it all.

  1. Family
  2. Friends
  3. Sleep
  4. Money

These first 3 things are tied to Money and time. The horrible diagram below will explain.

Case 1 – If you have no time and no money. You have nada. You don’t have friends or family and your sleep is fucked up.

Case 2 – If you have money and no time , you can have your family, but say bye bye to any social life with friends. You work 9 to 5 for your family and to pay your children’s fees.

Case 3 – You have no money , but plenty of time, you sleep well Sir.

Case 4 – You have lot of friends and a beautiful family. But you ain’t getting any sleep.

The best case scenario is where you get any 2 some part of the time. Which is the one you are willing to sacrifice ?

Blame Yourself Always

You know this is the simplest rule to remember, but we all forget it.

Let me explain

We all depend on others. We cannot survive in this world on our own. Sometimes the people we trust let us down. They might be doing it to protect themselves, but your interests are getting harmed. You are feeling betrayed.

In this case, the mind like a old tape recorder on a loop, will start the never ending blame game. The mind has taken over your being. You are no longer in control. You wish the other person ill. You wish the other person goes out of your life. You want to end this relationship ASAP.

Take Back the control from your mind.

If you are lucky to be aware in these moments of blame game. You need to tell yourself, that “I wont blame the other person”. I will blame myself for all that is happening between the other person and me. You are now the master.

You can now act, you can change your attitude. You can get more and more control over this other person who you think is affecting your life.

You need to blame yourself for

  1. Selecting this person out of poor judgement.
  2. Not communicating well with the person
  3. Not understanding the type and Psyche of the person.

The list can go on….

Be a mortal and blame yourself. Life is much better this way.

 

I figured out Why the single girl has so much energy.

I get tired all the time. I wake up tired when I don’t sleep well. I wake up tired when I have tummy ache. I wake up tired when I had too much to think.

Single girls are feeling emancipated. The #metoo moment along with wide protest against rapes have made her strong. But these are macro level environmental changes in the lives of the single women. But where does she get her day to day energy from ?

Here is a story of a single girl

Disclaimer : – I don’t know her name? I will barely recognise her face if I see her. But I feel her energy and I don’t like it. Maybe I am jealous of her life.

She hardly sleeps? She steps out of the house to party when I am in my bed trying to sleep. She comes home at 4 am. If she is home she is banging the door till 3 am or her lover is knocking the door. She loves passionately. But when the romance seems to be dying, she accuses her lover of secretly talking to other girls on social network. She fights more ferociously than she loves. But she has a big heart. She forgives also.

What has lately took over my thinking is – Why does this single girl has so much energy? Where does she derive her power from ?

Alas! Today I has an Eureka moment –

Our Brain takes up 20% of the energy. So If you don’t use your brain, you could use that extra 20% of energy. Now that explains why the single girl has so much energy, isn’t it ?

Relationships on Rent.

One of the biggest worry a man has is that if he ever runs out of money, his woman will leave him (or he will have to leave her). Being together is a costly exercise, while one works the other takes care of the social and other aspects of the life. If both man and woman are working even then the responsibilities of social and administrative work is divided. A marriage or making a home together is like building a brand and we all know that making brands costs lots of money. A good branded family has social status and respect in the society than the bad brand family with maybe a alcoholic husband.

Rent Economy

Millennials don’t like to own cars. We have the new shared billion dollar business models like Uber, Airbnb etc.

What these shared assets for hire give you is happiness and convenience. They are available when you need them.

Relationship is another asset, if used wisely it can be a source of happiness and enrichment. In todays precarious times we don’t know, how long we can manage to fund our children’s education or their demands for material goods.

If one is not able to have a full time family can one rent it for Sunday lunches?

The Japanese way

I read in Japan, you can hire people who will pretend to be your friend and spend time with you. All we want is someone who is available to us when we need to talk, isn’t it? Then why do we end up in long term committed relationship? There is also no guarantee that a long term relationship will last forever. Children will grow up, get married and have their own life to take care. A spouse might leave you for heavens for a better place.

The Indian way

The Indian middle class is preoccupied with their bourgeois needs. If there has to be any disruption in the institution or the brand of relationships it will come from the fringe. The outliers, who got busy working and never married. The enemies of the institution of marriage today is social media, cellphone and career.

What about the LGBT people who cannot get married ? They are seeking for equal rights, they are fighting for a place in the society which they don’t like. Will they innovate and disrupt traditional relationships?

Will we see a new social structure emerge and be a alternative to the traditional relationships. What would the brand be called ? How about RnB (Relationships ’n’ brotherhood Co.)

My Bodyguard

I am not telling you the story of some Whitney Houston movie. This is my story. At the peak of my ego trip, someone suggested that I need to hire a bodyguard. Completely over estimating my importance in the world affairs I thought it was a good idea. I was given a guy who had worked for 15 years in the Military. He came in recommended and so there was no reason not to trust him.

I always wanted a brother to work along side. Even though he was hefty 6 footer compared to thin me. I took him under my wings. He was always with me, he travelled with me and we ate together.

I loved our camaraderie. I felt a big support system, I got addicted to his presence. I was the brain he was the brawn. I got him a house and gave him a car too. It was a dream come true for him. He got his wife and kids moved in to the house.

Things started going bad.

Now with his new found status, he started boasting about his new luck to his friends and family. He had become ambitious, he was privy to information and part of the company management. He conspired to wrestle power.

I had to take some divine help. He had to pack his bag overnight and scoot away with his family. I never saw him again.

What began as a journey of 2 brothers ended up in a power struggle and the end of companionship.

The Economics of Relationships

I met this lady one day, I owed her money. She was not pushing me, she saw I was in pain. I told her about my problems about my recent relationship breakup. The worldly lady told me something which I find even today hard to digest.

She told me that “she left you because you have no money left”. This statement hit me hard. I thought I was a bad ass, I screwed around and she left me.

I mean do people who love each other leave just because one of them is out of money? Are we so weak, can we not get down together and get enough to eat?

Then there was this another girl, I had a solid crush on her. She said “women want money”. I was aghast, why would a Independent rich woman like her say such a nasty thing ? Isn’t she making enough to feed herself and a few others.

Then there is this old retired lady. Her earning children want her to sell her house and give them the money. The children want the parents to go to their village, while they buy a new house and get their privacy.

In a crowded family everyone is cannibalising each other. How do we live and let live?