Meet my new room mate Ms Chipkali

My friend is married and is having an affair with another married lady. So he has stored his name of his girl friend as Chipkali. I asked him, why Chipkali? She has just a beautiful name you could have at-least given her some respect by giving an affectionate name ? Being a stereotypical North India male I knew where this was coming from. Still I prodded him to consider a name change.

He said she is very chipku (like a chipkali (hindi for lizard). She won’t leave her husband and she won’t leave me. She is always on my back. She wants to know everything I do during the day. So I tease her that she is a chipkali jokingly.

I was seriously wondering why I have such sexist friends? Is this what a women gets for showering her love and attention, only to be chided for being sticky?

Maybe the stereotype macho north Indian men, like to express love to their girlfriend by calling them not so pleasant names.

Coming to the point – Meet my new room mate Ms Chipkali.

She is not a human, she actually a baby lizard. She always appears to be stunned when I spot her on my kitchen wall or kitchen platform. I know she is just cleaning stuff, eating away those nasty german cockroaches and in the process saving me of pest control expenses.

She came in to the house, after I had her sister thrown out. I got irritated with her sister, she would appear too stunned. Her sister was beautiful to look at but she is dark and not so pleasant.

I realise this is a symbiotic relationship. I need her as much as she needs to be in my house. My house is safe haven for her. She gets food and is protected from predator like cats. I don’t think I am going to commit the blunder of throwing her out.

My only wish is that we both become acclimatised with each other and not act so stunned whenever we meet each other first thing in the morning.

Let’s go on an adventure.


She complained that he is always tweeting, he said don’t call it tweeting, it’s what i do to make a living! She said “oh really? ” “all you want is female attention on twitter” he groaned ” shut up”

They had only one place where they could give each other, only if they could ever forget who they were professionally. They personified their work in their relationship and it was damaging all the fun they were meant to have.

There was no time for adventure, the only adventure was driving to work and coming home, or trying a new cuisine in a new restaurant in the ‘hood. They wondered aloud, what could be an adventure for such a ageing couple like them? They were both workaholics trying to ensure they have a good bank account to retire in a few years.

Don’t they deserve a adventure? When they were young, falling in love and trying to find some time to spend alone would be an adventure. Now they were no more insecure about being together.They said let’s go off to a place where people need us, we can be of use to others, without even thinking about our own insecurities.She had a acquaintance who had been to Rwanda on a humanitarian mission. She said would he be interested? He was now excited! yES, YeS! yeS!

Next they were on a plane to Rwanda where millions of people were killed in the ethnic genocide. People had been hacked, flayed, burnt to death. They were determined to see what made these Rwandians hold up on the face of such tragedy.

Spending a few weeks there, they had felt the Rwandians had understood the meaning of life so deeply. The only way they survived is by seeing the beauty around cause the very act of perceiving things as beautiful created beauty which sustained them, there was no other way.

It was a adventure which would last them a life time.

A stranger comes to town.


I saw this stranger asking for directions. She was from South Korea, Seoul she said, she wanted to go to a place in Matunga where she was going to stay in a cheap guesthouse.

I offered her a ride as I wanted to know how it feels to be a stranger in the town. I realised that she was quite courageous, she wasn’t afraid, she was tiny slender girl carrying a huge haversack which I thought was probably heavier than her. I asked her if I could help her with it. She said “No”.

She told me how she was groped on a Delhi public transport bus by strangers. I thought “locals sure know how to take advantage of a stranger”. She was visiting a few countries in Asia all alone, I admired her courage.

I dropped her in to her guesthouse, I saw it was small flat with all windows closed and 4/5 men sitting in the living room watching TV. I asked the guy who managed the guesthouse, isn’t there a woman here , he said no, your Korean friend is the only one. I was perturbed, I asked the girl if she was okay and confident if she could stay here? She said it was cheap and she was on a budget. I said bye and never saw her again.

God grants all my desires with only one condition (attached).

Now I haven’t achieved much of success, but whatever I have achieved on my own strength I do cherish them dearly.

So one fine day GOD appeared in my backyard (metaphorically speaking) and said you have worked hard but I see you have lot of unfulfilled desires, you are in agonising pain because of this, you work yourself to sickness (like millions of others) but you are never going to get all those desires fulfilled.

But since I (the God himself) have appeared in your backyard, I am going to grant all your desires at once with only one condition you will have to give up everything what you have earned so far. (in any case they are so pitiful, he said). But God, I said, I cherish them dearly!

He wouldn’t hear any of it. He said it was a fair deal. I get all my desires fulfilled (including the one with Angelina Jolie) if I willingly give up all the little things I worked and earned.

This is my predicament. What would you advise?

Destroy Yourself.

save-the-planet-kill-yourselfI am often alone at coffee shops. This is my period of alone ness where I hope to discover the nuances of life. I don’t prefer company nor seek for it (but i do long for it). So coffee shops are where I over hear conversations other people are having. Somehow i think people at coffee shops are having more interesting conversation than I could ever have with anybody. I also wonder if someone has ever sneaked on my conversation when I was meeting someone and was so engrossed that I probably didn’t notice the snoopers.

So this conversation was between a young pretty (short hair, mini jeans shorts, wheatish, tall) in her mid 20’s girl and the guy was probably in his mid 30’s  a scriptwriter or a director (paunchy, unkempt, intellectual, horny but decent). The conversation was basically the young actress trying to seduce the guy to give her free advice on how to become a better actress.

I didn’t pay attention to most part, but when the guy advised her that to improve her acting, she has to “DESTROY HERSELF” my interest peaked in the conversation. The girl was dumbfounded and kept asking repeatedly “But how do i destroy myself”. The guy was not ready to dole out the answer without further incentive, and he just kept saying “destroy yourself”.

So hope you enjoyed this eavesdropping on my blogpost, which actually is a anecdote about eavesdropping.

BTW Don’t you think Falling in Love is the best way to destroy yourself?

Image source



This afternoon I was at a cafe in bandra which is owned by a bandra localite, maybe 2/3rd generation bandra-ite. It’s located in the not so noisy part of bandra. The cafe is very popular among expats and as well as macbook chugging indians.

Anyway, there was a small jam in front of the cafe, it was just a matter of few minitues and the traffic would have smoothened out. But then a guy in a SUV was a bit impatient  he started honking and honking incessantly, which was very irritating for all the walkers as well as people sitting in the cafe.

This owner rushed out to the SUV driver and folded his hands and said please dont honk! I was befuddled, I thought the owner being a bandra bugger will give him maa bhen gali and he has a staff who can back him up, but instead he pleaded with the driver with folded hands not to honk. I was taken a back. What a great way to settle a road rage argument?

So, remember next time, you feel like showing your muscle power, trying with folded hands might yield better results.

BTW HORN OK is only for highways and not city streets and by lanes.

Learning to Tie the Shoe Laces.

I have these dancing shoes, the soles are made of Suede leather, but there is a fundamental problem, every 3 minutes the laces get loose.

So we were practising and then this kind lady notices and shows me how to tie my shoe laces so they dont come off, well it fucking works!!!!

Yes, I am a middle aged man and I just learnt how to tie my shoe laces, it makes me wonder what other life skills I am not equipped with??


Did i know how to tie my shoe laces and have forgetten it?? Yes, you know where I am headed? Yes, to again blame my parents for this. Life is so much convenient, when you can put all the blame on the parents?

I am a father too, well I fathered, and what goes around will surely come around and I am wondering how to deal with it. Atleast when my father was alive I never blamed him upfront for anything, its just that he has been dead for so long that I have the courage to openly blame him. As for my mother, I am not sure, she can understand all this.

Also if any one has the same problem with lace untying I can teach you how to do it properly.

The Old man

Old man

All my friends are gone, I am ready to embrace the cold embrace of death. There is no point in existing anymore, I have done all I had to do in this lifetime, there is no life force left in me. 

I tell others I am not afraid to die, but I am terrified of dying, but even more terrified of living like a vegetable, worn out bones because of bed sores and a toilet pan under my bed. 

This cannot be the end to my glorious life? How can it be? 

Carrots on a stick

This hope is a carrot on a stick tied to the donkey’s head, it makes us move ahead, hoping someday we will reach the carrot. You never get the carrot but you have moved on the path which burns your every hope into ashes and after some brief moments of emptiness, words begin to form into ideas and ideas give you fresh carrots (hope).
What if we choose not to convert these words into ideas, will we be able to avoid the carrots?

Gangaram has died of Aids!

I had recently moved to Mumbai with my family, Due to a personal
tragedy and a rather undeserved responsibility of managing a business,
i was smothered in to total inaction.

My inaction was something I watched helplessly and people around me
watched accusingly. I knew people depended on me and looked up to me,
and I had to do something, but i just couldn’t move. This was when I
met Gangaram.

Gangaram was a dark, thin guy who limped, i thought he was born with a
limp, maybe he was not. Gangaram had a very sharp brain, Gangaram was
fearless, (as a analogy I can say, if a mafia guy showed him a gun,
he had the skill and the charm to sell the guy a gun and make a fat
commission out of it). He told me once that he would have been a nagar
sevak of his area but he got in to a squabble with another poweful 
politician who destroyed his political carrier. Gangaram was a problem
solver, where I saw problem for myself, he saw opportunity for himself
to make a fast buck. He immediately told me that my current problems
was quite manageable and he could do it. I was naive and greedy, I hired him for the Job, he was God sent.
These were the problems no one would get their hands in, it was a
dirty job. Gangaram for me was a lotus who bloomed in the dirty slums.
He was the anti-dote to my inaction, with Gangaram’s help, i was no
longer inactive, it was like a alter-ego of mine who worked overtime
while I myself rested and recovered against the barrage of assaults by
numerous problematic agencies life throws up when you are young and

Within a record time, Gangaram had managed to solve my important
troubles. He bribed the authority, threatened where necessary, and
charmed his way out of sticky situations At times I admired him for
his guts and the kind of education he got on the streets of mumbai,
which I had never got. Gangaram resurrected me and gave me a second
chance, of-course in the process he made sure he had plundered and
looted me. I knew this guy was a important tool in my life, but i had
to stop him from looting me, my greed was making me a victim in his
hands, and his appetite for robbing me out for a fat commission for
every job he carried out was increasing exponentially, It came to
point that he started inventing problems for me, so he could then come
over and rescue me out of the ugly situation. But I was helpless and
lazy, i was probably more corrupt than he was, no wonder we were a
such a perfect match who could overcome any problem together, but now
we had become problems for each other, he couldn’t live without the
money he was making out of me, and I couldn’t live without a problem
solver like Gangaram in my life. then he disappeared.

After making a tidy sum of money from each of his contract work, he
would routinely disappear. (Later on, I came to know from one of his
friends that he was a womaniser and was a spend thrift and lived life
on the wild-side.) Finally after not seeing him for months, I enquired
with his friend, where had Gangaram disappeared? I was told he had
AIDS and he died the previous week. Gangaram had never told me he had
AIDS. I never imagined that a guy who could be so brave and face some
really tough situations for me could have been a dying man. Somewhat
disturbingly I was relieved that he had died and I had one problem
less on my hands. Now every-time, I am in that kind of trouble, Gangaram’s name comes to
my mind first, even before God’s. Its time I become a more balanced
kind of a person, now that I have plenty of experience which I so
lacked 10 years back.

Dont let your parents wake you Up!

Here is a story about my childhood. 

Every morning during my school days I was dragged out of my bed at 6.30 am , given a bath and hair oiled and sent to school to attend at 7.30 am. I HATED IT!!! 

The point I want to make is, it is not really important to wake up in the morning, the phrase “Early bird catches the worm” is a medieval quote and not relevant to our times. During medieval times, there was no electricity and people had nothing to in the late evening so they went to BED early and woke up at dawn, continuing to do so in the INDUSTRIAL AGE, where a person had to reach the factory before the bell rings.

The whole sleep cycle was invented for people to work and be better in factories assembly lines. So unless you are a working in assembly line, there is no need to wake up on time. 

So the question to ask PARENTS is

Do your parents want you work in factories when you grow up? Is it the reason they are spending all their HARD EARNED money on your education. If the answer is NO, tell them to leave you alone and let you sleep it out.