Husband for sale -letter to mom in law

It’s been a hell of time, since my divorce and people have been
nudging me sometimes not so gently that I should get married. My
sweetest sister even suggested that I should seek professional help on
my fear of commitment. I told her “hey Sis all the girls want to marry
someone with money”.

One married friend remarked ‘manoj why don’t you marry her(random girl)”
I said “hey let me have some more fun”.
Then he rebuts “how much more fun are you going to have?”

But the point is men are not biologically meant for marriage, it’s all
these beautiful women who tempt them. Men are sperm donors and need to
spread their good genes, while women do all the rearing and
housekeeping. It’s because of women that men are stuck to a 9 to 9 
job! But I can no longer take the pressure of being single and happy,
because it’s too bloody safe, and I should bet. Also since 99% percent
girls want their man to be rich, so I can only try my luck with 1%
girls who already have rich moms. (only moms worry)

So here I am putting myself for sale, and below is my pitch to my high
class mom-in-law. (only moms worry)

Dear mom (in-law) I am a hardworking middle class guy looking to be a husband for your
high class daughter. I believe your daughter is over educated and
wants a husband who will look up to her.
And I know you are worried sic, (while she is painting the town red),
cause there are narrow minded guys who will start calling her
unpleasant things (slut) just because she is crossed a certain age!

So mom in law show me what you got and I promise I will be a ass(et)
which will appreciate (old men are like wine) unlike your daughter who
is of a depreciating value, and pls add a few zeroes more cause of the
prior experience!!! So please go ahead and fill the bidding form below since I being the
hardworking middle-class man, have a target of X amount of money in my
bank account by the month end.

Love you!