Things were going great in Feb 1999. We had two factories with over 200 workers. The amount of workload seemed to be increasing. I was on a high. It was a false high. What I had was all done by my father. But I was the fuel running the show and he was the heart (engine) of the business.
In 1999, On the personal front also, things were looking good. My wife was pregnant.But then there was a phone call - My brother in law was on the other line - He said Daddy has passed away.
I had no idea what had happened but only realised, the person who I talked and interacted every day was just gone.
Today I realised that he was my partner in Business.
I lost all my will to succeed after he passed away, I played hard, but I stopped playing to win. I had no idea, who will I do proud if I win. He was the only guy I wanted to impress.
I became nihilistic, all hope and optimism were snatched away. I just had to be there, pretending to work for others, not for myself.
I had no dreams of own, all the dreams were his.
He said “We will have so many crores in 5 years. He made it look easy, but he passed away in a year after drafting that dream.
I was just a car running on one set of side wheels, I had the power, but I ran in circles only to crash and burn every time, I started.
I still don't have any dreams.
I have dreams for others, I have dreams for society, I know I can make this place a better place than I came in. But I find dreaming for myself, literally impossible.
My biggest challenge is to have the courage to dream for myself
Dreaming for oneself takes guts, sacrificing yourself at the altar of victimhood is much easy. But I don’t even have the map to my dreams, forget about implementing.
Till then Hail Nihilism
I am using the analogy of cars here because Dad loved cars. I think that’s all he bought for himself. He didn’t know anything better than buying cars. At a time he has 3 Mercedes, 1 Toyota, 1 Maruti gypsy, A Daewoo Cielo, 1 Maruti Zen and a one ordinary Maruti. (for me, lol)
This was his resplendent glory. When he built a palatial house in Ratnagiri, the entire basement was kept for parking cars and more place in the courtyard to accommodate few more cars.
I guess he was the silent era guy. Cars were the ultimate symbol of wellbeing. When he passed away I started selling his cars one by one. I sold it to aficionado's and scrap dealers.
In contrast, I sold my last car in 2014. I am not sure I want the car lifestyle back, I am too woke for cars. Don’t you know they pollute the environment and make streets un-walkable??