Dear Friends or Family Members
Before you disown me or unfriend me, Please read the complete blogpost.
Writing about sex is very difficult and writing about Rape is excruciating. I spent a couple of hours thinking whether I should handle such a topic.
Some incidents in last couple of days have got me started thinking about Rape. What If I ever get accused of Rape?
With this topic, this blogpost will have gone where no other blogpost of mine has ever gone. Right in to my Bedroom.
We are taught various things in schools and colleges, but no one teaches us about sex. Sex which is most important part of lives is only discussed in whispers behind closed doors.
Coming Right back to the Main Topic of this Blogpost
I met this girl in CCD via Twitter. I didn’t like her physical appearance. She was wearing a formal clothes and only sales men wear formal clothes. She was smart enough to notice it, and told me, “you didn’t like me”. I said nothing.
There was something very strong in her character. She was more than a decade younger than me and I decided I would like a short relationship with her. My definition of a short term relationship meant “have sex”. Forgive me for not knowing the meaning of relationship then.
Next date was at my house. I thought this was working out the way I wanted. But she wasn’t giving in. I kept trying but she remained stubborn. While talking about various things we stumbled on the topic of Rape. She said she thought “rape was OK”. I am shocked, I asked her to explain. She said “I know the reason why men rape.” Now I had no clue what she was talking about. I then concluded that she wanted our love making to be Rape – Role play.
I have never done such kinky sex. But I said let me try, I thought she will teach me what is this rape role play. She said I am in your house sitting on your couch what else do you want?
I let this all sink in. I am confused. In all my sexual encounters, the signals were explicit.
Enacting Rape Role Play
I decide let me play her game for whatever it is worth. I will pretend I will rape her and she will pretend that she is getting raped. So here is she is again in my house and I take her to my bedroom.
I am still wondering whether I should do it. I go and hold her tight. She tells me to back off in a very firm voice. I get her NO means No language. I am completely angry and frustrated as I took her willingness to come into my bedroom as a sign of consent. I had read all the signals wrong.
We never met again.
Post Analysis –
I know for sure that I will not and cannot rape a woman. But then what if I thought ” No means Yes”?
I also realise men peak fast. Men cannot have sex without an erection! The erection doesn’t last long enough even if you are super athlete. This means, when men want it, they need to get it asap or they will lose their erection. Thats the reason men will seize control. Men are generally the aggressive player in sex.
So are men biologically programmed to be aggressive in sex ?
I am not an expert, but I do think men are aggressive when it comes to sex. The less educated and more powerful can ignore the “No means No’ signal. The less educated and the more powerful lose some sort of balance in reading signals. They might even think that they can get away with Rape.
Also is there a cultural context to NO? What if the lower class men think ” No is Yes”? We all know Rape is more prevalant in North India. So there might me a regional context to “No”.
Women need to understand these regional or cultural context. A girl brought up in a middle class setting will miscommunicate her NO. A educated women might end up miscommunication her NO.
Do men need to understand these cultural/class launguage of “NO”. Yes! Damn Yes.
Do woman like Bad Boys?
Google analysed what men and women search when they want to find porn. Men are pretty much obsessed with physical characterics. But the top 6 searches for womans fantasies were about bad men fantasy. That also explains for super success of novels like “50 shades of grey”.
What is the point of this blogpost?
Writing is my only therapy. I will spend about 30 to 60 mins on this article and move on.
I am worried about not reading the signals right. How does one know. How far do I stand before a woman says #metoo and tags me?