I was talking to my girlfriend last night ,and was telling her about all her personality flaws ( I do that whenever I have free time ) .
I was accusing her,
“You take all your decisions on basis of your fears, You act of of fear”
This constructive criticism went on and on, till the time I realized that she had switched off while listening to me and was probably indulging in one of her sexual fantasies! When I dragged her into reality and she retorts back
“As if you don’t have any faults”
She obviously didn’t know that, while my sister was majoring in Psychology and Economics (which I told her later on), I used to read all her Psychology text books, at the age of 13 or 14 !! (she just read it a few days before exams and passed in honors) .
I was so addicted to those Psychology text books , I just couldn’t leave them alone, Sigmund Freud was my hero.I started reading these book as I used to think there is something really fundamentally wrong with me, and I needed to cure myself by reading, as I couldn’t think of any alternative cure. So all I did was read and read Psychology books, and if it was a chapter dealing with “Teenage sexual behavior and problems’’ then I used to read in 100 times.
I was so lost growing up, suddenly all you can think is of having sex with women (older, younger whatever). It almost sounds perverted, but I am told its normal, everyone has these fantasies! (is it??) (and still do??)
I only wish my father had a talk with me man to man and told me about these things( Yeah ! blame it on your parents), instead of doing all this research I could have known it from him, as friends were not reliable sources.But he used to tell me,
“I am not going to tell you what is right and wrong, you have to figure it out for yourself. “
I do feel I am a bit less muddled in my head, than I was back then, its a sense of relief which will last till someone makes me feel perverted and weird again!!
Sometimes confirming to the morality of the society is a huge burden one bears , instead of respecting each person for his/her uniqueness. We force them to confirm to the society norms and thus the rebels are born.