When Pain dies...

I have been holding on to my pain for several years or the pain has
not let me off! I presumed it was part of me, I wore it as a badge, a
trophy of coming out alive through it, and surviving. I was survivor
but crippled by the parasite called pain, it was there in my deep
subconscious, I could see it when I see myself in the mirror, I could
smile only with sarcasm if I manage one at all. Yesterday, I tried to cry out loud, there were no tears, there was no
pain, the spark-plug to my tear engine had no charge. I searched for
the pain, in the depths, i could only hear the echo of footsteps
leaving its home. I said to myself, it cant leave me, its the only
thing I ever has, it has been the only thing I could trust, i depended
on it. I will be nothing without it.

When someone close to you dies, you miss the person, at the same time
feel liberated. Somewhere in your subconscious you know that this is
nature way of cleaning the house. My pain is also dead, it finally
succumbed to the test of time. I feel liberated, free to fly, with
this lightness of being, while a part of me still looking back, still
wanting to cling to the past. I love my past way to much, it has been
picture perfect! I am angry though, how can pain just fucking disappear, I don’t want
to turn in to ice cold rock, who cannot feel any pain, or have I
become such a person? Keep watching…